In the year 2000, a commercial released in Canada struck a chord.
In it, a man in a plaid shirt sheepishly steps up to a microphone on a stage and says “hey.”
In an apologetic tone he describes how he is not a “lumberjack” or a “fur trader,” he doesn’t “eat blubber” or “own a dog sled.”
Then he gets a little more assertive.
“I can proudly sew my country’s flag on my backpack,” he says. “I believe in peacekeeping, not policing. Diversity, not assimilation.”
Now he’s really fired up.
“The toque is a hat. The chesterfield is a couch. And it’s pronounced zed, not zee. Zed!”
If you’re of a certain age (and maybe watched a lot of hockey?), you probably remember the last line of the commercial, shouted into the microphone and accompanied by a defiant fist pump.
“My name is Joe, and I am Canadian!”
Yes, the commercial was for Molson Canadian – the Tim Hortons of beers – but it was still a banger. People loved it, in large part because it tapped into a uniquely powerful source of pride and identity for many Canadians: the fact that we are NOT the United States.
Now you can certainly debate the wisdom and strength of building an identity based on pride in not being something else – particularly something else that is much bigger and stronger than us and gave the world both Mel Brooks and the cheeseburger – but that commercial hit the spot.
Now, 25 years later, it seems as if that same type of energy is needed. In the lead up to his inauguration, the new president of the United States, somehow also the old president, was very publicly, very persistently musing about how Canada should no longer be its own country, instead becoming the 51st state.
And in his inaugural speech on Monday he said the United States will once again be a country that “expands our territory.” He later proclaimed a 25-per-cent tariff on Canada and Mexico to be enacted Feb. 1, saying that “Canada is a very bad abuser.” Which … coming from him … I mean … woof. And also his pal Elon Musk did an aggressive one-arm salute motion. Twice. Anyway.
Canada, it seems, is an early target of this administration. I’ve seen a lot of different reactions to this verbal invasion of the past several weeks. Some Canadians seem to love the idea of finally leaving behind this socialist hell-hole and joining a real country with way more guns and cheerleaders and Taco Bells. I’m curious about how much crossover there is between the people who plaster Canadian flags on their vehicles and the people who would jump at the first offer of joining the United States.
Other people I’ve spoken to are legitimately angry that someone possessing such a high office and haircut would sully our great nation with such talk.
Others are preaching the “just ignore it” mantra, don’t give the man the satisfaction of a reaction. He’s a toddler, that argument goes, and soon he’ll find another shiny thing to distract him.
Others say we should lighten up. The president is just joking about taking over Canada. He’s a troll, a jokey jokester, and he’s just in it for the laughs.
I used to take the “find the humour in it and don’t take him seriously” tact with this fellow. I’ve learned better.
For starters, I know for sure he’s not in it for the laughs. Because seriously, have you ever heard him genuinely laugh? No, you haven’t. Look it up.
And he doesn’t really make jokes. He “jokes” the same way tigers in the zoo joke about eating the faces of the people looking at them. It may seem funny until you fall into the cage, and then it’s goodbye face.
This is something that can’t be laughed off and can’t be ignored. It is an existential threat, and one that our new prime minister(s) in the next few months will need to face head on. When the most powerful person in the world calls you an “abuser,” aims to render you powerless and says you shouldn’t exist, you kind of need to fight back.
And there is much to fight for, things that go beyond the scope of a beer commercial: a proud history, powerful democratic institutions, vast resources, stunning landscapes, the best hockey players in the world, a 4x100-metre relay team that owns the United States, Eugene Levy. In Canada we strive for diversity, multiculturalism, Truth and Reconciliation.
These are things worth fighting for, and fight we should. Not with tanks mind you – that wouldn’t end well – but with our full hearts.
Go back and watch the commercial if you need to. It’s good to be reminded that we are one the best countries in the world, from eh to zed.
Andy Prest is the editor of the North Shore News. His humour/lifestyle column runs biweekly.
