PIZZA does not necessarily have to come to your door in a cardboard box.
This and other bizarre culinary facts are explored in the new cookbook, Rob Feenie's Casual Classics.
"As a wise woman, my mother, once told me, the most important ingredient in food is love. Without it, food means nothing," he writes.
In my household we were taught to use nutmeg and passive-aggression, but I decided to give his approach the old culinary school try.
Feenie's pizza recipe calls for a tablespoon of yeast, four tablespoons of olive oil, three and one-quarter cups of fl our, a teaspoon of salt, and a cup of lukewarm water.
After letting the yeast bond with the olive oil and four tablespoons of honey, it was time to think about the difference between Rob Feenie's kitchen and mine.
His recipe includes the phrase: "Add fl our and salt to the bowl of a heavy duty mixer with a dough hook."
I always assumed the dough hook was the nemesis of the Pillsbury Doughboy.
Hoping that was a series of typos, I dumped everything into a big cereal bowl and mixed it with a wooden spoon.
After combining the dry ingredients with yeast/water/honey/olive oil mix, you're supposed to cover the dough with plastic wrap and let it sit for ten minutes.
"Allow to rest at room temperature until doubled in size," the recipe says.
Just like buying Sea Monkeys out of a Spider-Man comic, this part of the recipe was a bit disappointing. The dough plumped a little, but not in that glass-shattering "Oh my god, the dough can't be stopped!" fashion I've been hoping for since I saw The Blob.
Feenie doesn't make any musical recommendations, but if he'd thought of it, I'm sure he would've called for Frank Sinatra when making pizza.
I pummeled the dough like Rocky Marciano, kneaded it, and tossed it in the air. Much like doing The Wave at a sporting event, tossing the dough in the air accomplishes nothing, but you can't not do it.
While Sinatra sang "Summer Wind" I rolled out the dough until it resembled the continent of Africa, added tomato sauce, mozzarella, and two types of sausage.
Then it was time for the oven.
If you have incriminating documents you need reduced to ashes on short notice, my oven is quite useful. For cooking, it's hit and miss.
Feenie said to remove the pizza from the oven after three minutes. My pies needed eight, but they looked pretty good.
It's possible my measurements were off, but that much honey was a little strong for my taste, and I'll probably try it again with three tablespoons of honey next Friday.
Everyone enjoyed the pizza, and like Sinatra said, "The best is yet to come."
