LET'S be realistic about our gardens.
They're sometimes unkempt, always growing, never really looking as good as Martha Stewart's - not that it matters - and, ultimately, our gardens are about all we can create ourselves without hiring a professional landscaper.
Perhaps we worry a little too much about a few weeds, or that overgrown shrub by the front window that blocks out the sun as if there were a solar eclipse happening.
And what about those "must-have" spiffy new plants we bought that were supposed to bloom from May until frost without any water or fertilizer, but actually ended up flowering for a week or so, then curled up and died, but actually went into summer dormancy because they were cool season plants. I guess I misread the label which actually said, "Blooms in May and then again in late fall."
Should we keep trying new plants just because that's what good gardeners are supposed to do?
As if that weren't enough stress in the garden, all those "sunshine favoured" garden writers keep telling us that our gardens are too consumptive, and to stop planting plants we like and plant native plants instead because they're better for the environment. And then there's that one bird that comes by my yard to drop his own
special brand of fertilizer on my front door step.
And lest we forget that to design is human but to not use a designer is too gauche for words. It seems like the gardening media has been overtaken by an unstoppable wave of Tony Robbins-esque enthusiasm by professing that "you can do it" and "there's no harm in trying." Tell that to my back as I sit on the couch recovering from a little too much optimism that told me I could actually roll that 300-pound boulder up the hill in a client's garden. The boulder had other ideas as it rolled backwards over my foot, down the hill and through the neighbour's fence across his vegetable patch and into his swimming pool. I hope Tony Robbins can come by and help lift that boulder out of the pool.
All that enthusiasm and over the top pontificating about how to beautify the garden and save the planet makes some gardens seem a little inadequate - pathetic really, by Martha Stewart's standards. And even when we're tired after a long day labouring in the garden, we still have to make dinner for the kids, run off to soccer or whatever character-building activity the kids are doing and then come home, get the kids to bed and read through books and magazines to salivate over all the latest trends and new plants that always look better on the page than they do in the garden.
Frankly, who has the time, energy or even the will to continue building the garden if Martha is never going to come and visit anyway?
Garden writers often use words like "sublime," "twinkling," "spectacular," "awesome," "beyond words" or "effortless" to describe the gardens that the rest of us are supposed to aspire to obtain.
My 28 years of experience in horticulture has taught me several lessons about growing gardens and plants, the most important lesson being that gardening is rarely effortless. In fact, if growing a garden were effortless, we should all have gardens that look like Sissinghurst Castle or Martha's home.
The truth is that most gardens are ordinary but still beautiful in their own way and a reflection of the owner's taste, which is far more important than striving to achieve someone else's version of a garden paradise.
If we become so preoccupied with buying the newest plants regardless of whether or not they will grow in our weed infested, rocky soiled and too shady gardens then we may just forget why we started gardening in the first place. And trying to incorporate some designer's idea of a lavish Mediterranean villa onto a small lot on the North Shore that receives more rain in an hour than the Mediterranean receives in six months, seems a bit ridiculous and more of a massage for the designer's ego and wallet than it does for our needs or gardening soul.
My advice on how to deal with all of this thick and syrupy gardening advice is, in the words of Joseph Campbell, to "Follow your bliss." Choose the plants you like, not the plants you think you should like. Design and build a garden that suits your outdoor living needs, lifestyle and budget.
Never mind if the Jones have imported Italian marble tiles for a driveway - paving stones with a nice design still look great and they cost much less than imported tiles. And perhaps most importantly, you have to live in your garden everyday so you better choose what suits your bliss.
